With the abundant offerings of info and perspective available nowadays, managing our interactions has become a task in itself. If you regularly read or watch the news does this mean catching the local TV news or gleaning top headlines from 5 or 6 newsfeeds? We receive many invitations every day, in the form of social events, working relationships and entertainment options.

Rejection is simply one of the potential outcomes of invitation. We can’t make it to every party we’re invited to and this seems comfortably obvious, yet we tend to take rejection somewhat more personally when we’re on the other side of this intrinsic social balance.

The Role of Rejection Sensitivity

For most of human history we humans have depended on small groups of people. This mutual dependence elevates our use of rejection sensitivity. Essentially, we’re wired to be highly sensitive to rejection as a means of survival. It’s helpful to know early on if a given relationship is going to be viable and move us closer to a goal, or not.

The need for a sense of belonging and love are fundamental human motivations, many theorists such as Abraham Maslow have suggested. According to this model, being a member of a group is an important part of social and so individual identity  or self-image.

The search for what causes one person to become more sensitive to rejection than another has resulted in a varied network of theories surrounding contributing factors such as early childhood rejection. One study indicates that rejection sensitivity in adulthood is sometimes related to childhood experiences of teasing, whereas the amount of childhood support one receives is not a significant factor.^[2]

How Sensitive is ’Too Sensitive? 

Geraldine Downey and her Columbia University colleagues have defined rejection sensitivity as ‘a tendency to anxiously expect, readily perceive, and over-react to social rejection’^[1].

For someone particularly sensitive to rejection, even the most ambiguous social interaction may appear as abject rejection, taken very personally. This in turn may contribute to defensiveness and, in the more extreme cases, result in self-fulfilling prophecies of rejection.

More Importantly

While the term ‘rejection sensitivity’ has recently been used seemingly to categorize a type of personality, each of us is continually seeking balance with regard to social invitations we offer and those offered to us.

Rather than attempt to rate your ‘level of rejection sensitivity’, find ways to tune into your own acceptance and personal sense of satisfaction.

Negative Effects of Rejection Sensitivity

In Appearance-based Rejection Sensitivity: Implications for Mental and Physical Health, Affect, and Motivation by Laura Park, Ph.D., a series of three studies explores the damaging affects of appearance-based rejection sensitivity.

“Park found that those who scored high in appearance-based rejection sensitivity were likely to have low self-esteem, high levels of neuroticism, insecure attachment styles, to base their self-worth on their appearance and to rate themselves as physically unattractive,” according to PsychCentral.com. ^[3]

The second study in this publication shows that those with high appearance-based sensitivity will feel lonely and isolated when listing what they think of as their least favorable physical traits, whereas those with low appearance-based sensitivity did not show discomfort when listing their negative traits.

Replacing Social Rejection with Self Acceptance

In the third study Park found that individuals reminded of their strengths or closest relationships with others were able to offset the negative effects of ruminating over unwanted aspects of their appearance.

This is heartening evidence that positive affirmations can and do have marked impact on promoting a healthy perspective with regard to social rejection. The next time you feel snubbed consider taking a moment to think about interactions with your closest friend or family member, focusing on the positive feelings of belonging.

March to Your Own Beat

Many times regaining a healthy balance amidst the world of sometimes overwhelming social give-and-take can be as simple as tuning into Self through creative explorations.

When’s the last time you surfed the net to read about some of your pet topics of interest or chose an activity just because it’s fun? Making time just-to-be is a sure fire way of realigning with our true nature, recharging our capacity for interaction, and discovering what is meaningful from one day to the next.

1. Downey, G. & Feldman, S. I. (1996). Implications of rejection sensitivity for intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70, 1327-1343.

2. Butler, J. C., Doherty, M. S., & Potter, R. M. (2007). Social antecedents and consequences of interpersonal rejection sensitivity. Personality and Individual differences, 43, 1376-1385.